Comic Party, For Lack of a Better Name
by hichigomate
Summary: Pointless drabble. It's a fight to the death to see who gets Naruto's ass! Woo hoo! Also, learn all the reasons why he's so sought after! Rated for language.


**Disclaimer: Here is where I don't tell you that I do own Naruto; or rather, I say that I don't own Naruto. Cause I don't. I just like to borrow the characters every once in a while, and twist them into impossible plots and situations. Like this one! A complete, pointless story where every character is almost OOC, and after Naruto's ass.**

**Summary: Pointless drabble. It's a fight to the death to see who gets Naruto's ass! Woo hoo! Also, learn all the reasons why he's so sought after!**

**Comic Party; For Lack of a Better Name: Narrarated by Genma**

It was supposed to be a bright, sunny day, where everyone was all bright and cheery, and happy. Instead, we've got everyone down at the training grounds, visitors from the higher-ups, and insults being flung all around. And why would that be happening, you ask? It's simple, really. It's all because of...

"Naruto's mine! I don't care what the rest of you think, but that ass is totally mine!" A bark accompanied the loud mouth of one Inuzuka Kiba, who was currently waving his arm in the air. His large dog, Akamaru, was barking excitedly at his side. It can be speculated that Kiba wants Naruto because he is lonely only ever conversing with a dog, and needs another friend.

"K-Kiba! Y-you know that N-Naruto's supposed t-to be m-mine!" The shy, hesitant voice belonged to Hyuuga Hinata, who, although she used to be really weak, was now actually very strong from training personally at night. Her pale eyes and almost blue hair were characteristics of her family, and it was known by almost everybody except Naruto that she had a crush on the number one, hyperactive, knuckle-headed ninja of Konoha.

"Uh, Hinata, if you're never going to confess to him, why are you fighting with Kiba over Naruto?" Hyuuga Neji, Hinata's cousin, questioned, his arms outstretched in a calming gesture. Surprisingly, Neji also wanted a piece of Naruto, but reasons for that are currently unknown.

"Yosh! Naruto is full of the power of youth!! Therefore he belongs with a youthful person!! Like me!!" And that was Rock Lee of the Mounties, (a/n: I just couldn't resist adding that!) in all his disgustingly green spandex and freaky bushy eyebrows and Beatles haircut. Augh. -shudder- Reasons for why he wants Naruto? Also unknown.

"Lee! No one wants to date you; get over it! And I mean, Naruto can be totally hot, and super cool at times, and he fights really well, and..." One dreamy Haruno Sakura, major bitchy woman who's tied for number with Ino, whose last name I can't remember, in the fanclub of one Uchiha Sasuke. It would appear, though, that she secretly has a crush on Uzumaki Naruto. Hm, who knew?

"Sakura! Shut up! Why are you even here? Shouldn't you be off stalking Sasuke or something?" And that would be Ino, the other bitch, who has no reason to be in this fight other than the fact that Sasuke has just shown up, apparently ready to join the fight himself.

"Pig!!"

"Forehead!!"

We'll just leave them to their little fight, and get back to Sasuke, who has decided to speak up. "Hn. None of you are good enough for my Naruto. He needs someone strong, someone special, and that someone is me." Well, the ego maniac decided he wants Naruto's ass for himself. And here they're supposed to be rivals. Guess the Sharingan user didn't get the memo. And it would appear he wants Naruto to himself because...Naruto has the Kyuubi. The Kyuubi means power, he wants power to kill his brother. Wow, not a good way to get the girl, eh, I mean guy.

"Foolish little brother. You aren't nearly strong enough to be Naruto's mate. Let someone more...experienced get the little blond piece of meat, and that would be I, Uchiha Itachi." Hm, there's the older brother, the best Sharingan user in the world, and who is far surperior to Sasuke in every way. Possible. And the reasons for wanting Naruto? Because they're only like one of the cutest couples! Oh, and because of...he just wants his body. To use and abuse in every way possible, meaning sexually of course.

"I'm surrounded by gays! This sucks!" That shrieking would be Kisame, Itachi's partner in the Akatsuki, who apparently is 100 straight, and slightly homophobic. He wants nothing to do with Naruto, except of course what Leader-sama wants him to do, but at the moment, he's probably wishing he were anywhere else but here.

"Itachi! You can't take Naruto! Because I'm going to kill you!" And the afterthought is... "And he's mine!" Wow, guess Naruto won't be choosing him.

"Oh, shut up, Sasuke." Great comeback, Itachi. Never saw that coming.

"Itachi! Tsukiyomi his ass to the next century!" And in comes the rest of the Akatsuki people; the one currently yelling is one Konan, whose last name is also unknown. Although, she's known as the paper woman among others. She's always seen with a paper rose in her blue hair; she's also co-commander of the Akatsuki.

"Konan! Itachi! I told both of you not to leave the base! And Itachi, I never gave you permission to go after my Naruto! He's going to belong to me, and no one else!" Speak of the devil. That was Pein, or Leader-sama, as he's also known. Apparently he, too, wants Naruto for himself. Ah, those lovely piercings, that amazing orange hair, those...is it seven? other personalities...ahem. Anyway, who else popped up?

"Dammit! He's mine, MINE! Back, I say, back! I've just found out the perfect positions in Icha Icha Paradise! I must have him to try them out!" Hm, Hatake Kakashi, reknowned pervert and copy nin of the Hidden Leaf. I believe his reasons for Naruto are...pretty...obvious. Heh.

"All of you are worthless. None of you are strong enough for Naruto. He can only belong to one person, and one person alone. Burn in hell, you sickos! He's mine!" Wow, didn't see that coming. Who knew the Kazekage of Suna, one Sabaku no Gaara, would also want Naruto? Wait, actually, that's kinda expected. I mean, Naruto did save his life and all. Maybe that's the reason he wants him?

"No! But I want my little Naru-chan all for myself!" Inuzuka Hana, Kiba's older sister. She also wants Naruto, it would seem. Hm, but if it's for perverted purposes or some other reason, that also remains unknown.

"Guys! Guys, calm down! GUYS!!" Well, that would be the knuckle-head himself, blond-haired, pretty blue-eyed, tan Adonis of Konoha Uzumaki Naruto. Wonder who he'll pick. This should be interesting.

"Naruto!"

"Naru-chan, you're here!"

"Come with me, Naruto! I can make you feel things you've never felt before!"

"...Come."

Heh. Watch that golden beauty get all confused. Oh, wait, now he's angry. What's he saying now? "Guys, I said calm down! I know you're all excited, but I don't want any of you! I've been trying to tell you for the last ten minutes!"

"Huh?"

"...What?"

"What?! How can you be so cruel?!"

"No way! You have to come with me!"

"Yosh!! I mean, noes!"

Heh, he sighed. Oh boy, it appears he's resigned now. No, wait, here comes the anger again. "SHUT UP, ALL OF YOU! AND LISTEN TO ME!! I'M DATING DEIDARA!" Ah, that'd be a cute couple to see.

And as that was said, or rather, shouted to the world, a blond with most of his hair pulled up and only one greenish blue eye showing, wearing the black Akatsuki cloak with red swirls, stepped beside Naruto and put his arm around Naruto's shoulder. Now, that's something you don't see everyday.

Ah, blissful silence as Naruto walks off with the exploding artful Deidara. It's nice. But of course, nothing can stay that way.

"Yosh! This just gives me more incentive to win the youthful Naruto back!" Damn that Lee, always so loud and annoying.

"You're wrong! My bugs need Naruto; I need Naruto! And I will get him!" Aburame Shino? I don't even remember him being in the conversation earlier. Apparently, he and his...insects want Naruto for some reason as of yet unknown.

"Hm. Well, I can always go home and dream up ways to win my little Naruto back. Preferably in pleasurable ways. Heheh." That one should be pretty obvious.

"Itachi, Konan. Kisame! We're leaving for now; Deidara has him. We can get him anytime." Bye bye, Akatsuki! Lucky you weren't attacked while in Konoha!

"Ah, Naruto. That glistening tan body, that high voice, those whiskers. -shudder- That is one magnificent body, and soon it shall be all mine!" Okay, ew. Since when did the fruity Orochimaru get here? Someone throw a kunai at that guy or something. Oh, no, wait, the younger Uchiha's got it covered. Go, Sasuke, go! Speaking of Sasuke, notice his name ends in uke? We know now who's the submissive in the relationship!

"No, Naruto! Come back; I never got to confess!" Hn, the Hyuuga heiress actually didn't stutter that time. Amazing.

"You all need to die. Phunk Tsunami! Phunk Coffin!" And then were the screams of the few who didn't manage to get away from Gaara's unique sand attacks. You gotta love that guy.

"Hn. This is so troublesome. Ino, Chouji, lets go." Ah, the infamous lazy ass genius, Nara Shikamaru. Now there's a nice piece of ass. And it appears he's one of the few not after Naruto's! Nice.

Well, lets let these guys, and few girls, who are left over from Gaara's attack, argue over Naruto some more. In the meantime, I, your host, Genma, have to get back to my little dolphin! I'm sure he's missing me, my cute little Umino Iruka! (a/n: Cute couple also!)

**Hey, I said it was pointless, didn't I? Anyway, what'd ya think? Yes, it's true, everyone wants a piece of Naruto. I was actually going to put Naruto with an OC, but I really don't like putting people with OC's. It's kinda annoying, and boring. So, review? Yes, no?**

**Ayame**


End file.
